To whoever may be interested in reading the following. My name is Karen and this is a shortened version of where my family has been and where it is finally beginning to head towards.

Over the last year, my family have been on an important journey. My family consists of myself, Scott (my husband), and our four children, Graham (14), Brittany (12), Blake (11) and Logan (4). One year ago in utter desperation I phoned Campbell Lodge. The whole family was in a crisis. Scott and I were separated, totally incapable of communicating with each other and the kids were running riot.

Although our marriage had had its problems and the kids had been playing up to a certain extent, the three years since our separation had taken its toll. Their behavior had disintegrated to about as low as I can imagine any child's behaviour. We were no longer welcome at some of my friends’ homes, due to totally unacceptable behavior. Graham, since the marriage break had completely changed personality. It was quite dramatic. He was out of control and put a lot of the blame on me. In his head, if I hadn't left Dad, life would be better. The main thing I had been focusing on was getting the kids right, but Graham in particular. The less success I was having in achieving this, the lower I was going with my own belief in myself. I had suffered a marriage with a husband telling me how "useless" I was, and how he had tried to lift me from the gutter and how I was so ungrateful. The worst part of that was that I had begun to believe that I was "useless".

At the same time, Scott was a workaholic who accepted no responsibility in the rearing of these children. He would leave for work at around 3.3O a.m. every morning (even though his job was a salaried one and didn't need to put these hours in) and would not come home until around 10pm (his own home after the separation). During the weekends he didn't speak to us except to vent his own anger at what he thought wasn't good enough. The house was never clean to the "Plows" standard, the kids hadn't been "programed" to behave and that they were "dimbos" (his word). In turn I had started to find solace in other means. I became extremely overweight (obese to be honest), couldn't look in a mirror, didn't care how I presented myself. I felt and therefore looked a complete disaster. I even tried to fall back into some of the problems my parents had suffered from, gambling in particular. My dad had a gambling problem and since I was a Kerr and not of the "Plows" standard, why not act like a Kerr. Plus this bugged Scott, got his attention one way or another, which looking back, was a big part of the attraction. Now I can honestly say I was suffering from some form of depression but couldn't realize that at that time. Graham was an extreme handful. He was violent, swearing, hitting, punching holes in walls, smashing windows and not coping with school work, either academically or socially (even though he is an intelligent child).

As mentioned earlier, he blamed me for his life, but at the same time, seemed to believe he was just as useless as he perceived me. Brittany was becoming just as dysfunctional. She was also abusive, failing at school and becoming sexually aware. Blake had a major chip on his shoulder about what life had dealt him. Although Blake was not playing up like his older siblings, inwardly he was becoming extremely angry and frustrated. Since our breakup, I had started seeking professional help for Graham. I had tried other sources of counseling which had culminated in seeking the help of the Anglican Trust (which runs Stoddard House). We regularly attended counseling and for Graham's 2nd form year, he spent it attending Stoddard House. They helped get Graham's schooling back up to standard and even improved his behavior. But this counseling never included Scott (he had refused to attend~ claiming it wasn't his problem, but was mine). It didn't look at the family; it seemed to reinforce what I believed, that Graham was the problem and we had to fix him. This also reinforced my belief that my chances of succeeding were running out. Nothing was working. On our last session, Brittany threw one amazing temper tantrum where she actually attacked our counselor. I honestly thought she looked as though she had lost her mind and was scared they would recommend her being taken off me. The next day I received a call saying they didn't think I needed to see them again.

This family of mine was so dysfunctional and my last hope was Campbell Lodge. To be honest, I was very cynical about how we could be helped but I was desperate. So, late August 2000 I rang Campbell Lodge and had Janice give me a call a few days later. She seemed nice on the phone and appeared to listen to me, but as I said earlier, I was very cynical about any organization's ability to help us. On our first visit (me and the children) we met Janice Beazley and Ron Philips. Ron told me that if I was to begin making my family heal, family counseling with TSI was recommended. The only stipulation was that we had to be prepared to do this as a family unit (which included Scott) and that to make our children right, Scott and I had to be prepared to commit ourselves to the program and to start from the top.

At the second session, Scott began attending. This took courage on his part for which I shall always be grateful. We were told quite honestly that it would take the whole family working together (the words I recall most vividly were that Scott was disenfranchized from the family and I was ineffectual). For the first time Scott and I had a common goal. We both accepted our part in this crisis and also our responsibilities towards our children. We made the decision to give TSI/family counseling a genuine chance. Also at this session Ron informed the kids they were about to take a journey. They had officially become young travelers on this journey.

When the sessions began, it was quite an experience. Scott and I wouldn't look at each other, we were still blaming each other for ending up here, and our children were literally trying to smash each other over. They were swearing, while both verbally and physically attacking each other.

To be honest the worst two were Graham and Brittany. Blake was very angry about having been made to be there. He thought it unfair as he hadn't done anything wrong. I was of the opinion we wouldn't be invited back. This family was to be a challenge to Ron, Janice and the program. Anyway, by halfway through the program, both Scott and I were reformed cynics.

The story was quite enthralling, my kids looked forward to coming. They had actually started being able to sit in the room together and communicate with each other. As said, the story was enthralling, but it was also mind-provoking. We could all relate it to ourselves. For the first time Graham and Brittany were opening up about their behavior and thereby, accepting their own behaviours. It was a journey as a family, but also we were all taking our own journey alone. I so related to the journey. It broke down my defences and had my eyes opened to myself (no mean feat when I had spent nearly 40 years not daring to open those eyes). Since around October of last year, my whole life has turned around. I have lost over 30 kgs, and have gone from a size 24 to a size 12 (although I feel twice the person I was, the world only sees half the woman). I no longer feel a failure, but now KNOW I have a great future ahead of me; a future I am running towards. I am no longer a martyr with a big chip on my shoulder, telling people I could have been a whatever. I have enjoyed my journey so far, have reached my first triple peaks and am now heading towards my next in life. My weight loss has not been the success of any diet, but through a complete life change. People have been flocking around me wanting to know what my secret is. People are literally stopping me on the street (the ones who are recognizing me) and wanting to know what my secret is. When asked what diet or pills I have been taking, my answer is loud and clear: a good dose of TSI with Ron and Janice.

As mentioned earlier, many people who have known me are not recognizing me instantly up the road. This is not just due to appearance but also my inner changes as well. Scott has gone from a workaholic with no bonds with his children and no life outside of work, to a parent who has his children most weekends. He has become committed to the program and has never once missed a session. He has even taken three weeks off work (and this person hadn't had a day off work for years literally) and had the kids, to give me a break and also to spend some quality time with them. Scott now has a family and the kids now have a Dad. Graham has finally started to feel good about himself and even smiles (so nice to see, makes me smile to see him smile). He, in a lot of ways, carried the burden of our plight.

He had to be made right! Well now he realizes that he is only the result of a bigger problem and is becoming a better-adjusted youth with a better future.

He sees his whole family healing (from his parents down) and now is actually becoming a happy young man. He is not as angry and has learnt the skill of walking away and of thinking before reacting. Better still, he even applies these skills.

These skills are being put in practice by Mum and Dad as well. Brittany, as well, has begun her journey of healing. She is now settling down and allowing herself to be a child. At school her behavior has begun to improve, in fact she has even won a few awards for her behavior and personal effort in her schoolwork. Brittany and Graham are now for the first time in many years, beginning to interact with each other as brother and sister. Instead of attacking each other, they can now sit in the same room and are learning that they might even like each other. They do still have their moments but now have the ability to say sorry, forgive and then try to work things out. At our last session, Graham had great pride in telling Ron and Janice that since we had started attending the program Mum was no longer gambling, Mum and Dad were no longer hurting each other and he could no longer play Mum and Dad off against each other. Also now Dad had started to attend his sporting events and this meant a lot to him. My children, and both me and Scott, have been given some good behavior roles to aim towards.

This has been achieved via the boy's journey in the book. They can also see their parents leading by example. Scott and I have begun to forgive each other and get on with our lives. TSI has done its job and now it is up to us to carry this on. Both Scott and I communicate much better now. We still have our problems which we are working on but now can put our parenting role ahead of our own wants. I do honestly acknowledge my part in this; and I believe Scott is of the same opinion. We both have a copy of the scroll of Commandments on our fridges. I read my copy on a regular basis and encourage the kids to do so as well. The kids and even myself, now use a lot of the terminology from the journey. I tell the kids if I have managed to end up on a cactus and tell them if they are headed towards one. Also we talk about not feeding the worm and much more. This will stay with us for the rest of our lives. It has become part of our lives. Through this program, a family has been literally saved. It had to be done as a family, and by family counseling, we have all benefited.

We, as a family are and will continue to be extremely grateful for the chance to have a happy and secure future. We realize it will take of all of us, courage and commitment, but we will put all our focus into that success. We owe it to ourselves and also feel, we owe it to Ron and Janice for the efforts put in for us. The cycle of abuse has been stopped. It ended here. If this sounds emotive, to me and my family, it has been. My focus is the health and well-being of my whole family (not just the kids) and I shall put all my behaviors into line to achieve this . Scott feels the exact same. Our success now depends on us and, therefore, our story is a work-in-progress, but again, to help in this, we shall have the backing of Ron and Janice if necessary.

LIFE IS SO GOOD and thank you, Ron, Janice and the TSI programme.

I, Karen Kerr, hereby give permission for Ron Philips and Janice Beazley to use any of the above information as they determine necessary. (Karen Kerr)

I, Scott Plows, hereby give permission for Ron Philips and Janice Beazley to use any of the above information as they determine necessary. (Scott Plows)

We, The Plows Children, have been read the above and know Mum and Dad have allowed this to be used in some form. (Brittany, Logan, Graham, Blake.)